I write to you as a brand new man!
On Monday, I was named top ten comedians in the state of Colorado. I made it to the final round of the ComedyWorks New Faces Contest, the final ten… less than one year after my first time on stage as a comic. I’m really proud and impressed with myself; this is proof that standup is something I’m 
definitely cut out for. I didn’t win the contest, but I’m very satisfied with such a huge accomplishment in such a short amount of time.
More standup news. A few weeks ago, the Squire Open Mic was featured in the Rocky Mountain Newspaper! A guy came down one night and interviewed a few of us, took some pictures, and enjoyed the show. The article gets a full page and BAM! Who is that handsome gent in the bottom third? I bet he’s hilarious AND smells good.
How cool is that? The layout makes it look as though the laughs in the top image are coming from my jokes, which I’m quite sure they are not… for you see, I am not the least bit funny. I stand on stage and shout obscenities and racial slurs until someone tells me that my time is up. True story.
And in intertube-based comedy news, I uploaded a video to Funny Or Die and it has over 35,000 views in its first week! It’s three minutes of a set I did at Wit’s End in Westminster a few weeks ago, shot by an apparently caffeine-fueled Jordan Zuckerman on the low-end digicam of Leif Cedar. The video has gotten over 90% positive votes on Funny Or Die, and the content director of the site emailed me and said that they love my video and if I have any other content to please email her directly so that she can feature it on the site. What an honor! I’ve embedded the video in this post. While it isn’t full of my aforementioned offensive slurs (I took a break from that this time), it isn’t for kiddies.
And now onto other news. California is still on the horizon, closing in quickly. Tentative plans are to move out there around November 1st, but that may be pushed back a few months depending on whether or not Comedy Central decides to pick up a pilot. If they do, and Jimmy Kimmel offers Dan a good enough job on the pilot, then Dan will be off to New York for a few months. In that case, I may stay in Denver, and I may move out there into a house with Kevin while Dan is living with his parents in New Jersey and paying rent with us in sunny Californ-i-a to keep his spot in the house. It’s all up in the air. I’m doing my best not to think about it because I can’t make any moves until I know what’s going on.
I’ve nearly finished construction on a whole new wing to the g27 kingdom! I’m sick of my old photo gallery system, so I’ve installed a new one that is sweeter than a marshmallow Peep holding a bouquet of Forget-Me-Nots. Please check out the new one, let me know what you think. Thanks!
Finally, a short story of inspiration, deceit, desperation, and guard dogs. Friday night, I parked across the street from Club 404 in the lot of the KFC as I always do, but why was this night different from all other nights? If you got the Passover reference, you get bonus points. Anyway, I was next up to perform, and somebody told me that my car was getting towed. It was! I ran across the street to talk to the tow guys, but they wouldn’t speak to me. I took down the phone number of the place and got a ride downtown to visit a friend. After we danced at a club, she gave me a ride home and the next morning Paul took me to go pick up my car. $250 cash for parking for 20 minutes in a lot of a KFC that was closed.
But here’s the moral of the story. Never once while my car was being towed did I get upset or mad. You know why? Because shit like that happens to all of us, and I was due. I could’ve really needed my car that night, I didn’t. I could really need $250 badly, I don’t. It’s a lot of money but it could’ve been a lot more. It sucks but I’m not gonna starve.
The moral is, don’t sweat the small stuff… and 97% of life is the small stuff.
